Skip navigation! Story from Unbothered. Last Updated June 25,PM. I should be able just to tick a box, right? The short version of our story is that we met at work, became friends, someone confessed their feelings me and we got together. The longer version is a bit more complicated.
I have spent the majority of my adult life as a Black cis-het woman dating men whilst trying to retain my sense of self. Sometimes it was fun, other times it was hard work. But meeting my current partner was surprisingly easy. I guess when you know, you know. We met during a transitional time for us both; I was on a dating hiatus and planning a 6-month move away from London, and she was getting out of an emotionally intense situationship.
Dating the short time we began working together, I developed a crush on her that took me completely by surprise. My type was a more masculine, bulky, overly-sensitive yet somehow emotionally-unavailable man with a height complex. She was not that, obviously. And I was definitely not her type either — picture an average height, olive-skinned, handsome, alpha male and you will not find me anywhere in that descriptor.
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For some reason, we clicked and it made sense to us, despite the identity crises it threw us both into. For my partner, having been raised in a mostly South Asian household with a close-knit family, she embraced her traditional values and always saw herself raising children with a partner see: man who fit in well with said family.
My arrival seemed to derail that plan. My current partner changed that for me too, and with her, my future looks different and more exciting than I could have ever imagined. Between us, our feelings never wavered for each other. But what our relationship represented to the rest of our little world, is something that we still contend with three years on. I remember telling a close male gay friend about us when we first got together, and he was taken aback, having heard me lament numerous times dating my dating escapades with men.
I frowned, repeating our origin story once more, of colleagues to friends to lovers. The fact that we were both dating was secondary to my main point - I had actually met someone who could be the real thing for me.
He listened and nodded along. But still, the question hung in the air. My partner felt the same as dating we were still attracted to men, but neither of us were vibing with other women outside of each other — or wanting to. So, not bisexual and not gay. Article source queer? Did that even hold meaning for either of us?
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The interaction with that first friend played out learn more here few more times, whilst others were completely unphased. A couple even revealed their own same-sex experiences click here reassurance.
Or perhaps it just gave them permission to do so. But once we started telling our families, things shifted for us once again.
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The nature of our individual heritages and the fact that we were fully grown adults already, meant the reactions we got were either muted, passive-aggressive, or full of shock and confusion. They looked openly disappointed, which was disheartening but not surprising. I had introduced a new element of myself that had taken me some time to get used to; I could extend them a little patience too.
And then, of course, both that dating sites pictures can raised the interracial thing.
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Dating men, I was very cognisant of my race, especially whilst combating the negative stereotypes that come with being a single Black woman in the link world. Just saying.
Through that lens where the previous generation brought into the stereotypes about their Black and brown neighbours, I can see why our being together could be an additional source of woman for our parents.
But like I said, we have different experiences. The real box is fluid, it changes shape and size with each new interaction and engagement with the world. Maame Blue's debut novel Bad Love is out now. Kneeling before me, a genderless cutie in a leather dog mask begs for another round of rope tug.
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